Goodness gracious! I can hardly believe that I haven't written in my blodge since March. It's true I have not been on the performance circuit for a few weeks. An artist needs to withdraw from time to time to get in touch with the Muse again. I also had to speak to the press about the misinformation they were spreading about my appearance at the Edinburgh Festival. This was a complete fabrication and I am thinking of taking out a super-conjunction or sewing someone.

I have been most honored to hear from the Oxford Dictionary of Poetic Quotations that they plan to use some of my most memorable lines in their next edition. In addition to that I am in negotiation with the Goldfish Society of America about the possibility of giving a recitation at their next Annual General Meeting. Practical Fishkeeping Magazine may also publish one or two of my poems in a future issue.


My many fans may be happy to hear that I will be appearing at Trent House on 5th June as part of the Leazes Fringe and again on 9th June at Pink Lane. That will be very exciting - my good friend and agent, Amina is appearing on the same bill! I haven't heard her perform for a very long time - she seems to be using all sorts of strange modern technology which I don't begin to understand but it keeps her in a good temper, so I suppose that's a Good Thing.

Amina thinks this is funny

Goldfish 1: Hey, look at that castle!
Goldfish 2: What's a castle?
Goldfish 1: I don't know, why d'you ask?
Goldfish 2: Ask what?
Goldfish 1: Hey, look at that castle!

- personally I  find it quite insulting and politically incorrect. I will ask Avaaz to start a petition and take the matter to the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Goldfish.

Well, enough of my little grumbles - hope to see you next week at Trent House and Pink Lane.